How Long Lord?

Ok, go ahead…say it…I’m horrible at updates. This I know to be true. It has been so difficult knowing what to say and how to say it. But you are my family, you are my lifeline, so I will try and bring you up to speed on all that has happened over the last month.

UPS lost the documents. I waited and waited, made phone call after phone call to no avail. UPS in Nicaragua claims the docs were delivered 3 weeks ago, but to where and to whom remains the big mystery. I really think the UPS in Managua is lying about the whole thing, and they are taking no responsibility for any of this. This has been a nightmare for me, an unimaginable turn of events. I’ve asked a lot of questions and cried a lot of tears…answers are not coming. But the fight must continue, and so I press on…knowing in the depths of my soul that God has this whole thing in his hands…I must cling to this hope, for when my faith is shattered and showing no signs of life, it is all I have left. It’s been a difficult few weeks.

I was in California the past 2 weeks. I was honored to be the speaker for YFC’s annual California Breakaway…160 high school kids from Saskatchewan in Cali for 10 days. It was bittersweet, as the plan was for Will to be with us this year. I couldn’t help but think of all that he would be experiencing and processing. I guess we’ll plan for next year. While in LA, I authorized Esteban to begin the process of getting new documents to replace the ones that UPS lost. He assured me that this process would not take long. But as it seems to be with this story, we hit a speed bump immediately; we needed to get Will’s birth mom to resign the custody documents. Unbelievable! The thought of this made me incredibly nervous, as most of January was spent dealing with this woman, trying to find her, getting her to sign, etc. It had been a lot of intense drama, and I honestly did not want to go through all of that again. Thankfully, we didn’t have to. Esteban found her in one day, and got to her to sign the docs immediately. What a relief…a little less drama than last time!

Esteban told me that everything would be ready by the Friday after Calbreak, so after the group of students returned to Saskatchewan, I stuck around in Cali for a few days. My plan was to buy a ticket to fly from LA to Managua…it would be less expensive than flying form home. My plan was to get the docs and personally bring them home. I don’t trust any courier service from Nicaragua at this point. My son’s future with his dad and his new family is my priority and passion, and I will continue to sacrifice everything to bring Will home. So, I booked a flight for last Monday, thinking that everything would be ready by the end of the week. 5 hours before my flight, Esteban e-mailed me to tell me that replacing Will’s birth certificate might take up to 3 weeks. This was so discouraging. I couldn’t afford to spend 3 weeks in Managua waiting for this document. So I had to cancel my flight and prepare to fly home to wait it out in Saskatoon. I could still use my travel credit with Continental when the docs are finally ready, so that soften the blow a little bit. But this was still very disheartening. Will was incredibly disappointed as well. This has been really hard on him as well.

Then another hit…the following evening I received an email from my lawyer. She told me that Will’s birth certificate was ready! Wow, it took only one day and not three weeks as was predicted. But there was a big problem…they were not going to release it. In getting the replacement docs together, the government had discovered a discrepancy. Last year, I spent $1000 to fix the birth certificate of Will’s birth father so it would match his death certificate. Everything was finally fixed and done. However, the government, for some reason, kept the incorrect birth certificate of Will’s birth dad on file. Now there were two different certificates…one that would indicate that this man is dead, the other would mean this man is still alive. Now the government was going to investigate my lawyer, to ensure that she hadn’t fabricated the new certificate…she could face jail time…the process could come to a screeching halt.

As I read my lawyer’s words my heart sank, and I just broke down emotionally and spiritually. I was still in California, and even though I was among friends, I felt so utterly alone in that moment. I felt like everything was unraveling…everything we fought so hard to accomplish was being undone. It felt like a dark cloud had covered me. Hope was fading. In my moment of desperation, I didn’t know what to do. I stumbled outside and found a quiet and secluded area, and under the dark Los Angeles night sky, I fell with my face to the ground. I wept bitterly and beat my fists into the grass. The burden was too heavy. I screamed at God, asking why He chose me to walk through this, why the roadblocks kept coming…we were so close…it had all been finished, and now it was all seeming to come apart. I was so broken, so frustrated, so done. But still, the flame of hope could not be extinguished, and even though it was barely bright enough to cast a shadow, it was still alive. In the midst of such heartache, God refused to let go. He’s still not providing many answers, but he is not letting go.

The next day Esteban explained more of the situation, and informed me that Will’s birth certificate wouldn’t be released until the investigation of my lawyer was complete. Everything had been done the proper legal way, so he told me not to worry. However, I was told that the investigation could take up to a month. This was so hard to hear. But in Nicaragua, there is always an expedited rate…you know how it works: For $400 US, I was told that the government official doing the investigation was willing to move our case to the top of the pile and have everything done in a week. What could I do? I had no choice really…I desperately want my son home, and if it meant another financial hit, then so be it. So I sent the money, and returned home to Saskatoon the following day. I got home last Friday night.

I received another e-mail from Esteban last night. He said that there was good news: today he was going to take Will’s aunt and grandma to court (again), and have them sign another document that would officially render the incorrect birth certificate null and void. This would allow Will’s birth certificate to finally be released, which in turn would allow us to get a new passport for him. Esteban assured me that everything would be ready by the end of the week, but that in order for this to happen, everyone needed their cut…my lawyer wanted another $150, each of Will’s relatives wanted money for missing work, money was needed for a car rental…it never ends. So I sent another $500 US down this morning, and I have waited all day to hear how everything went. I have not received any news, but I am hopeful that everything that needed to happen, happened, and that the docs will be ready by the end of the week. If they are, my plan is use my Continental credit to help get me down there to pick up the docs myself. I know it doesn’t seem rational, but I just don’t trust anyone down there right now. If there was to be another problem with sending the docs to Canada, if there was another delay or if the docs were lost again, I would complete lose it! It would create another unimaginable scenario…and I am so done with that. I need to take hold of this and fight for my son in any way I can. So it may seem irrational, but flying down will allow me to personally take these docs home, and give me a few days with my son as well. I have not seen him since Feb 24, and I miss him desperately.

So that’s the update, that’s the ongoing drama of this story. Thanks for sticking with me. Thanks for your ongoing prayers and support. I desperately need them now to help Will and I reach the finish line!

God bless,

Corwin