Hi friends, it's been awhile. It becomes increasingly more difficult to sit down and blog, as it seems like there's never much good news. Sometimes I feel guilty and feel like I am disappointing people as this fight goes on and on...with no end in sight. Last year at this time we were all believing that it was almost over. That was before the bomb fell and our collective hearts were shattered and torn. The wounds are still healing, and the war is still raging. I still need your courage, your confidence, your faith. I still need you in my corner.
In October I was able to go down and see Will. It seemed fairly uneventful...Will is getting so big now, it's hard to remember him as the scared little boy in the corner who would barely utter a word. Now he is full of life, full of confidence, full of hope. Since Esteban is gone, the relationship between my son and I is so much stronger. We don't have as many arguments, for now we don't have someone stirring up the confusion and mistrust. It has been a joy to see our relationship grow, I love my son more than ever.
My lawyer is still working on fixing Will's birth father's certificate. It has taken such a long time. Nubia is in the process of finding three witnesses who knew Will's birth dad and are able to testify in court. If we get a favourable result from the judge, we can finally move on to presenting my documents to the government. Please pray that this can happen this month.
In another strange occurrence, every government worker within the office of the Ministry of the Family was 'let go' in late September. The government has now replaced them with new workers from the Sandinista Party, as Daniel Ortega moves closer to having his dictatorship. Every adoption case that was in process is now forced to start from scratch...families are devastated as they lose years of work. Thankfully, because my docs haven't been presented yet, I'm still in a good position. My lawyer has also told me that the new workers have no idea what they are doing, so they have asked her to come in and help them learn the ropes, as she is well respected within the adoption community. This could be a blessing, if she can have influence within the walls of the government offices.
In some startling news, while I was in Veracruz I received a summons to appear in court. I was being brought to court by a family who I have known and served over the past 12 years. They have been assisting us with our Project Serve teams since 2002. It seems due to another set of lies from Esteban, they didn't get paid adequately for their work last February. They brought me to court to settle the debt. With my lawyer we were able to settle the matter outside of court, and so I was assuming it was all good. Apparently not...
As I tried to book a room at the orphanage for my upcoming visit at the end of January, I was told that I was not allowed back at the orphanage...I was shocked by this, and when I asked why, I received another shocker. I was told that the day I left Nicaragua last October, the police arrived at the orphanage with an immigration order restricting my travel from Nicaragua. But I was already on my way. Until my name is cleared, I am considered a threat to the safety of the kids at the orphanage. I was told that if the people who are after me come to the orphanage to find me, it could put the kids at risk.
I have no idea who did this, but obviously I was devastated by this horrific news. I asked my friend Juan to investigate and speak with my lawyer, with the hopes of finding the root of this problem. After some digging, they have been unable to find who is directly responsible for this problem. All suspicions are with the family who were upset about the money issue, but it can't be proved yet. It is impossible to find answers from the police, as the information is confidential. To make matters worse, my lawyer does not want to poke around the Immigration office, as she does not want to tarnish her good standing with them.
In yet another unimaginable twist, it seems that family is still upset about how the money issue was handled and feel their reputation and integrity were questioned, so they have taken it upon themselves to begin to drag my name through the mud. Imagine, the same family who called me their son, their baby...the same family who I have served and blessed for over 12 years...have begun a smear campaign within Veracruz. They are apparently spreading viscous rumours and lies about me, telling people that I am an evil and immoral man who cannot be trusted. I don't know how far reaching this evil act is, but my lawyer is incredibly nervous about it. She says that this damaging testimony could destroy my chances of success with the adoption case. We are already in an uphill battle. Just my marital status alone will be a challenge enough for the adoption officials to get over...if the government believes the lies being spread about my character, that could really put to death all chances of a successful outcome.
My lawyer has advised me to hire another lawyer to deal with those two issues, so she can focus on fixing the certificates. This will also keep her good name out of the mix. She has also advised me not to return to Nicaragua as planned on Jan 31. With an immigration order out for me, leaving Nicaragua could be very difficult. She knows I want to go down and clear my name, but she told me to be patient as we sort out these confusing situations. I don't know what to do...the ticket has already been purchased and is non refundable...and my son desperately wants me there to celebrate his 16th birthday. I just don't know what to do.
Please pray that we could find out where this immigration order came from, and how to cancel it. Please pray that we could have an end to this smear campaign, and that no permanent damage will be done to my name and integrity. Pray that Nubia could have success in fixing the birth father's certificates. And please pray that God would give me wisdom and strength as I try and navigate more troubled waters. I am becoming despondent and hopeless at times...feeling like I don't have the courage to keep going. But I will continue to fight for my son...in the face of seemingly unrelenting adversity and opposition...I refuse to let the enemy win. We will have victory, let's claim that in the mighty name of Jesus.
Thanks for sticking with me.
Corwin
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Not Much To Report
Hi everyone, sorry for taking so long to update, but there just hasn't been much going on. The last post took alot out of me, and trying to find the desire to post again has taken some time. I know from the comments that there a couple of people who have expressed frustration with me because of the lack of posts, and even gone so far as to question my integrity and intentions because of what unfolded in spring. I'm not sure what to say to those individuals...but what I do know is that the support, love and encouragement from 99.9% of you has continued to be overwhelming, and so I cling to that and try to keep the negative words from bringing me down. Thank you again to all those who have stuck with me and who are still praying with me. Thanks for not giving up, even when updates are few and far between.
It has been difficult knowing what to say, especially when it seems like the process is stalled. The last update I heard from my lawyer is that she is still working on sorting out the problems with Will's birth father's birth certificate. I'm not sure why it takes so long to make a simple certificate, but I guess it's just the reality of the Nicaraguan legal system. So we can continue to pray that this certificate issue can be worked out soon, so we can actually proceed with the the adoption process. Pray that the judges involved will sense the significance of their decisions. Pray that my lawyer will be able to pour all of her energy into this process, and that we could get a glimmer of hope really soon.
Will is doing ok. I actually get to speak with him a few times a week, so that has been good. His English classes are going well, and I try to get him to practice his words with me. It is costing far less to meet his physical needs while he is at his aunt's house...it really has brought to light how much Esteban had twisted the truth regarding the cost of living there.
My plan is to return to Nicaragua in October to spend some time with my son, who I haven't seen since early June. I miss Will so much... This visit will also allow me to connect with my lawyer and see if there are things I can do to help expedite this process.
So that's it...nothing really to report, except to tell you that God has continued to work in my heart, providing me with peace and forgiveness. Some days it feels like this adoption will never happen, but I try to keep focused on God's promises, and the hope that we can cling to. Thanks again for you continued love and support.
God bless...
Corwin
It has been difficult knowing what to say, especially when it seems like the process is stalled. The last update I heard from my lawyer is that she is still working on sorting out the problems with Will's birth father's birth certificate. I'm not sure why it takes so long to make a simple certificate, but I guess it's just the reality of the Nicaraguan legal system. So we can continue to pray that this certificate issue can be worked out soon, so we can actually proceed with the the adoption process. Pray that the judges involved will sense the significance of their decisions. Pray that my lawyer will be able to pour all of her energy into this process, and that we could get a glimmer of hope really soon.
Will is doing ok. I actually get to speak with him a few times a week, so that has been good. His English classes are going well, and I try to get him to practice his words with me. It is costing far less to meet his physical needs while he is at his aunt's house...it really has brought to light how much Esteban had twisted the truth regarding the cost of living there.
My plan is to return to Nicaragua in October to spend some time with my son, who I haven't seen since early June. I miss Will so much... This visit will also allow me to connect with my lawyer and see if there are things I can do to help expedite this process.
So that's it...nothing really to report, except to tell you that God has continued to work in my heart, providing me with peace and forgiveness. Some days it feels like this adoption will never happen, but I try to keep focused on God's promises, and the hope that we can cling to. Thanks again for you continued love and support.
God bless...
Corwin
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
The Truth Hurts; The Truth Heals
Well, I’ve been searching desperately to find the right way to do this. This post is not easy to write, but I know I must write it. I can’t put it off anymore. No more stalling. No more excuses. It’s time. You deserve to know the truth. So here it is:
I was lied to. I was manipulated. I was deceived. I was robbed. Pure and simple. I was robbed…robbed of my time, robbed of my resources, robbed of my dignity, robbed of everything I hold dear. The unimaginable, the unthinkable, the unfathomable has happened.
After Esteban’s no show on the Sunday I arrived in Managua, I began to suspect something was not right. Something felt different, very different. It was an incredibly unsettling feeling. The fears and doubts that I had fought for so long were beginning to come alive like never before. But I still refused to believe…I kept holding on to hope…the hope and belief that my best friend and Nicaraguan brother was a good man, a trustworthy man, a loyal friend; the hope and belief that no human being could possess the capacity for such deception and malice. It was impossible. Or was it?
Wednesday, June 3, 2009, I finally learned the truth. I sat down with my lawyer in a crowded café in the heart of Managua, and slowly watched my entire world dissipate into dust. As we talked, it became evident that the one thing I had refused to believe was the new reality I needed to swallow. Esteban was not the man I thought he was. His deception runs deep and wide…it is unyielding and undeniable, and it’s scope is beyond imagination. Everything he has told me has apparently been a lie. There was no court last July, I never was granted custody. Will never appeared in any court. The crisis with the birth mother in January never happened, there was no final court. The adoption was never finalized. There were no documents, and therefore UPS never lost anything. Will was never living in Matagalpa the past 4 months; he was not attending high school in the morning and English school in the afternoon. He was, in fact, living in the ghetto with his aunt again. There were no extra judges or lawyers helping with the case. All those trips Esteban took into Managua that I paid for, those meetings with lawyers and government officials never happened. It never happened…
As my lawyer became aware of the lies I had been told, she became incredibly incensed. Esteban had used her as leverage in all this. She couldn’t believe that her good name had been used to perpetuate such deceit. Both of us couldn’t fathom what was happening…could someone really do this to another human being? I began to search for other possibilities, perhaps there was a good explanation…maybe this was just a big misunderstanding. Maybe my lawyer was lying to me…maybe she has ulterior motives…but then I stopped. The past year of my life began to flash before me. I began to recall the many conversations, the phone calls, the e-mails. I didn’t want to believe it, but I couldn’t ignore the truth any longer.
For the past few months I had fought the shadow of doubt. Secretly questioning, but outwardly defending. Many friends and family had tried to ask the question: “Can we trust Esteban?” I had been unwavering in my defense of him. I had spent so much time with this man…he had translated for two of my Project Serve teams…I felt like I sincerely knew him. He was my brother. He was committed to assisting me with this adoption. He was committed to my son. Of all the Nicaraguans I had ever come in contact with, I felt Esteban was the most trustworthy. Other friends of mine who had spent time with him confirmed this notion. And so I trusted. I wanted to trust…I needed to trust. This was my son’s life at stake, everything was on the line. There was no adoption agency, there was no one else who really knew my heart, who truly understood my passion for bringing my son home. I needed that one person to help me, to look out for my son, to help me communicate with my lawyer. 3000 miles from my son, attempting a seemingly impossible journey, thrown into unthinkable circumstances, I needed someone I could trust with my son’s life and this process. With Esteban I felt like I had found that person. I truly believed that God had brought him into our life for this purpose, that the intersection of our lives was part of a divine plan. I needed him. I trusted him.
And yet there were these shadows…the whole situation with the birth mother, my lawyer not being present at final court in January, the government randomly taking and releasing the final documents whenever they felt like it, UPS losing the docs, UPS saying the docs were delivered, never receiving scans of the docs as was promised, never having proof of the adoption… there were these shadows, but I had held on to my belief that Esteban was telling the truth. What would be gained from all these lies? It was inconceivable.
What about all the e-mails Wilber was sending me the past few months? He seemed to be enjoying school and his English was showing impressive improvements. But here again the deception runs deep. Esteban knew Will’s hotmail password, and was emailing me pretending to be Will, in order to maintain my confidence in the situation. This is the one lie that hurts the most…Will has explained that the past few months have been very difficult. He has been despondent and depressed thinking that I had forgotten about him, as we had no actual contact since the end of February. Here I was, thinking that I was corresponding through e-mails three times a week, when the reality was that Wilber was sitting in his aunt’s house wondering why I didn’t call. This kills me inside. This is where it hurts the most.
Of course there is also the financial reality of this story. You know very well that this adoption has been expensive, more so than I could have ever predicted. And now I understand why…the judges, the lawyers, the trials, the documents, the car rentals, the gas money, Will’s ‘expenses’, the school fees…it goes on and on. The reality is this: it would now seem that none of that money, or very little of it, actually made it to where it was supposed to be going. In 15 months, close to $15,000…gone, with nothing to show for it. I tried to do everything right, but in the end my naivety and my trusting spirit cost me more than I could have imagined. It is like a nightmare I can’t wake from.
So I sat there in that small café, face to face with this new reality, trying to make sense of what was happening. I was flooded with a thousand different emotions. What was I going to do? But then the most amazing thing occurred: I felt at peace. I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I actually felt a sense of relief. Now I knew the truth. There were no more shadows of doubt. No more warring factions within my heart and my head. Now I knew the truth. And it felt good. Amidst the overwhelming sense of bewilderment and betrayal there was this undeniable peace. Where I expected bitterness and rage, there was acknowledgment and acceptance. There was no thirst for blood, no quest for vengeance. Yes I was devastated, hurt, angry, confused and sad. But the sensation that transcended all of those things was peace. A peace that passed human understanding. There was something else that began to rise up in me as well…a greater resolve to see this through and to not allow the devil to have victory. I will continue to fight even harder now, of this I am certain. I don’t understand what God is doing, but I need to trust that He is still for me, and He is still for my son. I refuse to throw in the towel. It’s not over yet.
But it still hurts…a lot. In fact, I feel the most ache for what my friends and family have endured because of these lies. We’ve been though so much together, an emotional and spiritual rollercoaster. It seems like it was all for nothing. The sleepless nights, the anxiety, the tears of despair, the many fervent prayers going up for situations that weren’t even happening…thinking that Wilber was legally my son, when in fact we’re still in process. Hope and despair, heartache and celebrations. Up and down. All I can say is that I’m so incredibly sorry that you were caught in the middle of this, and that these lies have potentially caused great distraction for you throughout the past year. I was communicating what I thought to be the truth. I always knew deep down that I could not walk this road alone, and so I asked for help. And so many of you have been so kind and generous to me, your financial assistance, your kind words, your many prayers. I can’t being to tell you what they have meant to me and to my son. I never want to take them for granted or minimize their effectiveness. Please don’t give up on me. Don’t give up on Wilber. He deserves better. He deserves to be home. We can’t give up. We won’t give up.
So where is the case now, you may ask? Well, it’s been moving slowly along the whole time. And while Esteban didn’t do anything to help the case, he didn’t really do anything to hurt it either. He never had contact with any judges or lawyers or government officials. He just fed me the lies and took my money. The process is nowhere near where we thought it was, but it’s still moving.
From the very beginning there were always two issues to work through: 1. the birth mother’s name was written incorrectly on Will’s birth certificate, and 2. The birth father was never issued a proper birth certificate. Then first issue went to trial and was resolved this past January. The second issue is at trial right now. The initial judge was going to resolve it months ago, but it moved to another judge who is taking his time with this because it’s the first time he’s come across this scenario. Nubia, my lawyer, told me that she hopes this trial is resolved within June. If that happens, then we can finally move to the Ministry of the Family, (for the first time), and have both Wilber and the birth mom sign. Then it needs to move to the adoption council, which meets randomly whenever they can. Nubia says that could be in August or September. Following that council, if everything is approved, we go to the final court where the judge makes the final decision. Following a successful final court, Wilber can finally get his new documents with his new name, and then we can finally get things moving with Canadian immigration.
So now we have actual things to pray for. Please pray that these next steps could happen quickly, and that Will could be home before the next school year. I know that seems unlikely, but I pray for a miracle here. Will is living at the aunt’s house again, and while it is not ideal, it is the best option for now. Nubia told me that it won’t cause any problems with the process, as some of the new Nicaraguan laws are more relaxed now. The aunt is not the enemy, as Esteban tried to make her out to be. She actually was trying to warn me about him for awhile, but knew that it was easier for him to convince me than it was for her. She actually seems to care a great deal for Wilber. Please pray for continued safety for him.
So that’s it for now. I’m sure you must have a zillion questions, and hopefully I’ll be able to address all of them in time. The one thing I will say is this: no matter how deeply Esteban has hurt me and my family and friends with his actions, now is not the time for bitterness, hate, and revenge. I will not and cannot excuse Esteban’s actions, but we must guard our hearts from the desire to bring our own brand of justice. The devil has destroyed too much already, and we must not allow him to get the upper hand by creating a spirit of hatred within us. Now is the time to draw on God’s power and grace. We must believe that God will deal with Esteban in his own way and in His own time, and we must not be consumed by thoughts of retribution. Peace and grace must prevail. My son deserves the best of us now, not the worst. He deserves our unyielding prayers and support. He deserves to feel the grace and peace of God, and that is what I want to administer to him. So let’s rally around him with the full armour of God, ready to protect and defend. Now we know the truth, the truth has set us free. Let’s now declare that freedom and that victory over my son and over this process.
Are you still with me?
I was lied to. I was manipulated. I was deceived. I was robbed. Pure and simple. I was robbed…robbed of my time, robbed of my resources, robbed of my dignity, robbed of everything I hold dear. The unimaginable, the unthinkable, the unfathomable has happened.
After Esteban’s no show on the Sunday I arrived in Managua, I began to suspect something was not right. Something felt different, very different. It was an incredibly unsettling feeling. The fears and doubts that I had fought for so long were beginning to come alive like never before. But I still refused to believe…I kept holding on to hope…the hope and belief that my best friend and Nicaraguan brother was a good man, a trustworthy man, a loyal friend; the hope and belief that no human being could possess the capacity for such deception and malice. It was impossible. Or was it?
Wednesday, June 3, 2009, I finally learned the truth. I sat down with my lawyer in a crowded café in the heart of Managua, and slowly watched my entire world dissipate into dust. As we talked, it became evident that the one thing I had refused to believe was the new reality I needed to swallow. Esteban was not the man I thought he was. His deception runs deep and wide…it is unyielding and undeniable, and it’s scope is beyond imagination. Everything he has told me has apparently been a lie. There was no court last July, I never was granted custody. Will never appeared in any court. The crisis with the birth mother in January never happened, there was no final court. The adoption was never finalized. There were no documents, and therefore UPS never lost anything. Will was never living in Matagalpa the past 4 months; he was not attending high school in the morning and English school in the afternoon. He was, in fact, living in the ghetto with his aunt again. There were no extra judges or lawyers helping with the case. All those trips Esteban took into Managua that I paid for, those meetings with lawyers and government officials never happened. It never happened…
As my lawyer became aware of the lies I had been told, she became incredibly incensed. Esteban had used her as leverage in all this. She couldn’t believe that her good name had been used to perpetuate such deceit. Both of us couldn’t fathom what was happening…could someone really do this to another human being? I began to search for other possibilities, perhaps there was a good explanation…maybe this was just a big misunderstanding. Maybe my lawyer was lying to me…maybe she has ulterior motives…but then I stopped. The past year of my life began to flash before me. I began to recall the many conversations, the phone calls, the e-mails. I didn’t want to believe it, but I couldn’t ignore the truth any longer.
For the past few months I had fought the shadow of doubt. Secretly questioning, but outwardly defending. Many friends and family had tried to ask the question: “Can we trust Esteban?” I had been unwavering in my defense of him. I had spent so much time with this man…he had translated for two of my Project Serve teams…I felt like I sincerely knew him. He was my brother. He was committed to assisting me with this adoption. He was committed to my son. Of all the Nicaraguans I had ever come in contact with, I felt Esteban was the most trustworthy. Other friends of mine who had spent time with him confirmed this notion. And so I trusted. I wanted to trust…I needed to trust. This was my son’s life at stake, everything was on the line. There was no adoption agency, there was no one else who really knew my heart, who truly understood my passion for bringing my son home. I needed that one person to help me, to look out for my son, to help me communicate with my lawyer. 3000 miles from my son, attempting a seemingly impossible journey, thrown into unthinkable circumstances, I needed someone I could trust with my son’s life and this process. With Esteban I felt like I had found that person. I truly believed that God had brought him into our life for this purpose, that the intersection of our lives was part of a divine plan. I needed him. I trusted him.
And yet there were these shadows…the whole situation with the birth mother, my lawyer not being present at final court in January, the government randomly taking and releasing the final documents whenever they felt like it, UPS losing the docs, UPS saying the docs were delivered, never receiving scans of the docs as was promised, never having proof of the adoption… there were these shadows, but I had held on to my belief that Esteban was telling the truth. What would be gained from all these lies? It was inconceivable.
What about all the e-mails Wilber was sending me the past few months? He seemed to be enjoying school and his English was showing impressive improvements. But here again the deception runs deep. Esteban knew Will’s hotmail password, and was emailing me pretending to be Will, in order to maintain my confidence in the situation. This is the one lie that hurts the most…Will has explained that the past few months have been very difficult. He has been despondent and depressed thinking that I had forgotten about him, as we had no actual contact since the end of February. Here I was, thinking that I was corresponding through e-mails three times a week, when the reality was that Wilber was sitting in his aunt’s house wondering why I didn’t call. This kills me inside. This is where it hurts the most.
Of course there is also the financial reality of this story. You know very well that this adoption has been expensive, more so than I could have ever predicted. And now I understand why…the judges, the lawyers, the trials, the documents, the car rentals, the gas money, Will’s ‘expenses’, the school fees…it goes on and on. The reality is this: it would now seem that none of that money, or very little of it, actually made it to where it was supposed to be going. In 15 months, close to $15,000…gone, with nothing to show for it. I tried to do everything right, but in the end my naivety and my trusting spirit cost me more than I could have imagined. It is like a nightmare I can’t wake from.
So I sat there in that small café, face to face with this new reality, trying to make sense of what was happening. I was flooded with a thousand different emotions. What was I going to do? But then the most amazing thing occurred: I felt at peace. I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I actually felt a sense of relief. Now I knew the truth. There were no more shadows of doubt. No more warring factions within my heart and my head. Now I knew the truth. And it felt good. Amidst the overwhelming sense of bewilderment and betrayal there was this undeniable peace. Where I expected bitterness and rage, there was acknowledgment and acceptance. There was no thirst for blood, no quest for vengeance. Yes I was devastated, hurt, angry, confused and sad. But the sensation that transcended all of those things was peace. A peace that passed human understanding. There was something else that began to rise up in me as well…a greater resolve to see this through and to not allow the devil to have victory. I will continue to fight even harder now, of this I am certain. I don’t understand what God is doing, but I need to trust that He is still for me, and He is still for my son. I refuse to throw in the towel. It’s not over yet.
But it still hurts…a lot. In fact, I feel the most ache for what my friends and family have endured because of these lies. We’ve been though so much together, an emotional and spiritual rollercoaster. It seems like it was all for nothing. The sleepless nights, the anxiety, the tears of despair, the many fervent prayers going up for situations that weren’t even happening…thinking that Wilber was legally my son, when in fact we’re still in process. Hope and despair, heartache and celebrations. Up and down. All I can say is that I’m so incredibly sorry that you were caught in the middle of this, and that these lies have potentially caused great distraction for you throughout the past year. I was communicating what I thought to be the truth. I always knew deep down that I could not walk this road alone, and so I asked for help. And so many of you have been so kind and generous to me, your financial assistance, your kind words, your many prayers. I can’t being to tell you what they have meant to me and to my son. I never want to take them for granted or minimize their effectiveness. Please don’t give up on me. Don’t give up on Wilber. He deserves better. He deserves to be home. We can’t give up. We won’t give up.
So where is the case now, you may ask? Well, it’s been moving slowly along the whole time. And while Esteban didn’t do anything to help the case, he didn’t really do anything to hurt it either. He never had contact with any judges or lawyers or government officials. He just fed me the lies and took my money. The process is nowhere near where we thought it was, but it’s still moving.
From the very beginning there were always two issues to work through: 1. the birth mother’s name was written incorrectly on Will’s birth certificate, and 2. The birth father was never issued a proper birth certificate. Then first issue went to trial and was resolved this past January. The second issue is at trial right now. The initial judge was going to resolve it months ago, but it moved to another judge who is taking his time with this because it’s the first time he’s come across this scenario. Nubia, my lawyer, told me that she hopes this trial is resolved within June. If that happens, then we can finally move to the Ministry of the Family, (for the first time), and have both Wilber and the birth mom sign. Then it needs to move to the adoption council, which meets randomly whenever they can. Nubia says that could be in August or September. Following that council, if everything is approved, we go to the final court where the judge makes the final decision. Following a successful final court, Wilber can finally get his new documents with his new name, and then we can finally get things moving with Canadian immigration.
So now we have actual things to pray for. Please pray that these next steps could happen quickly, and that Will could be home before the next school year. I know that seems unlikely, but I pray for a miracle here. Will is living at the aunt’s house again, and while it is not ideal, it is the best option for now. Nubia told me that it won’t cause any problems with the process, as some of the new Nicaraguan laws are more relaxed now. The aunt is not the enemy, as Esteban tried to make her out to be. She actually was trying to warn me about him for awhile, but knew that it was easier for him to convince me than it was for her. She actually seems to care a great deal for Wilber. Please pray for continued safety for him.
So that’s it for now. I’m sure you must have a zillion questions, and hopefully I’ll be able to address all of them in time. The one thing I will say is this: no matter how deeply Esteban has hurt me and my family and friends with his actions, now is not the time for bitterness, hate, and revenge. I will not and cannot excuse Esteban’s actions, but we must guard our hearts from the desire to bring our own brand of justice. The devil has destroyed too much already, and we must not allow him to get the upper hand by creating a spirit of hatred within us. Now is the time to draw on God’s power and grace. We must believe that God will deal with Esteban in his own way and in His own time, and we must not be consumed by thoughts of retribution. Peace and grace must prevail. My son deserves the best of us now, not the worst. He deserves our unyielding prayers and support. He deserves to feel the grace and peace of God, and that is what I want to administer to him. So let’s rally around him with the full armour of God, ready to protect and defend. Now we know the truth, the truth has set us free. Let’s now declare that freedom and that victory over my son and over this process.
Are you still with me?
Monday, June 1, 2009
More Prayer Needed
Well, yesterday was supposed to bring some answers, but it has instead brought a thousand more questions. Turns out that no one met me at the airport, and I had to find my way to Veracruz in a taxi. I have been trying to locate Esteban, but have not been successful. All my leads are turning up empty. Even his brother doesn't know where he is. I'm getting a little nervous...I'm so confused as to what has happened and why Esteban never met me. Did he get the date wrong or something? I just spoke with him on Saturday, so that thought seems unlikely. I am now somewhat stranded here, relying on my limited Spanish to get me through, and unable to contact my son. This is not fun. I was supposed to have the documents in my hands last night, and instead I have a rock in my gut as I try and make sense of what is happening.
Please pray for me. I feel alone right now and I really need to find out where Esteban is and what has happened. Pray for clarity, and that I can make good decisions as I try and figure all this out.
thanks for the prayers,
Corwin
Please pray for me. I feel alone right now and I really need to find out where Esteban is and what has happened. Pray for clarity, and that I can make good decisions as I try and figure all this out.
thanks for the prayers,
Corwin
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Battle to the End
Hi everyone,
I am on my way to Nicaragua within the next few hours, and I need to share some very important details with you.
Firstly, thanks to everyone who supported the steak night last week. I was humbled by the outpouring of support. Thanks especially to the committee for all their hard work, and for initiating the idea in the first place. It was a another reminder that I do not walk this journey alone. Thank you.
Secondly, I am asking you for your prayers again. It has been a crazy month, with a ton of allegations going back and forth between all the Nicaraguans involved in this process: Esteban, my son, my lawyer, and Will's family. Everyone seems to have a different story as to what has actually transpired over the past three months since I returned from Project Serve. It has been so difficult trying to make sense of everything, trying to discern who is lying, who is telling the truth, or if in fact everyone is lying to me.
I have been trying to hold on to the hope that Esteban has been the most truthful with me, though there are many things I will need to get clarification about. One thing that I do know is that Will has been living back with his aunt in the ghetto for the past little while...how long exactly is still a mystery. But it seems when Will is at his aunt's house, things do not go well. I know that Will's aunt and grandma are trying to use Will to gain leverage over the situation, with the intent of financial gain. This seems to be the theme within most of my Nicaraguan relationships...everyone wants a piece of what they think I have.
Esteban told me this morning that he has all the documents except for the passport, which we will get and I will sign for on Monday. He said that he is excited to get the documents into my hands tomorrow night and to prove once and for all that he has been doing all the work he has claimed to have done. He also told me that Will's aunt is trying to get a lawyer to bring some kind of legal action against me. In an attempt to get money out of me, I have been told that she is trying to make an allegation that I am not really Will's dad, but just a friend who is sponsoring him. I am not sure if she is trying to put the immigration process at risk or what her exact intentions are, but I'm sure that it has something to do with money. Apparently, Will's aunt along with three others are planning to be there at the airport when I arrive so they can make their move. But Esteban also told me not to worry, since the adoption is final and we have all the final documents, there is nothing they can do. I still wonder what they are planning, and how they are planning to manipulate my son against me.
So it seems like I am going into battle. I have no idea what to expect when I get off the plane tomorrow at 8:00pm. I don't know who will be waiting for me. Are the documents actually ready? Will I have them in my hands by the end of the day? What kind of attack is Will's aunt planning? Will I finally get the answers I have been searching for? Will the truth be finally revealed?
Please pray! I've had enough and I'm in a scrapping mood. I'm sick of the games. I'm tired of the lies. I'm done with that. Time to end this. Time to claim victory. Walk with me into this battle please. Pray that I will feel all of God's power and strength rise up as I fight for my son.
Are you with me? Let's do this!
2 Timothy 1:7
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline"
I am on my way to Nicaragua within the next few hours, and I need to share some very important details with you.
Firstly, thanks to everyone who supported the steak night last week. I was humbled by the outpouring of support. Thanks especially to the committee for all their hard work, and for initiating the idea in the first place. It was a another reminder that I do not walk this journey alone. Thank you.
Secondly, I am asking you for your prayers again. It has been a crazy month, with a ton of allegations going back and forth between all the Nicaraguans involved in this process: Esteban, my son, my lawyer, and Will's family. Everyone seems to have a different story as to what has actually transpired over the past three months since I returned from Project Serve. It has been so difficult trying to make sense of everything, trying to discern who is lying, who is telling the truth, or if in fact everyone is lying to me.
I have been trying to hold on to the hope that Esteban has been the most truthful with me, though there are many things I will need to get clarification about. One thing that I do know is that Will has been living back with his aunt in the ghetto for the past little while...how long exactly is still a mystery. But it seems when Will is at his aunt's house, things do not go well. I know that Will's aunt and grandma are trying to use Will to gain leverage over the situation, with the intent of financial gain. This seems to be the theme within most of my Nicaraguan relationships...everyone wants a piece of what they think I have.
Esteban told me this morning that he has all the documents except for the passport, which we will get and I will sign for on Monday. He said that he is excited to get the documents into my hands tomorrow night and to prove once and for all that he has been doing all the work he has claimed to have done. He also told me that Will's aunt is trying to get a lawyer to bring some kind of legal action against me. In an attempt to get money out of me, I have been told that she is trying to make an allegation that I am not really Will's dad, but just a friend who is sponsoring him. I am not sure if she is trying to put the immigration process at risk or what her exact intentions are, but I'm sure that it has something to do with money. Apparently, Will's aunt along with three others are planning to be there at the airport when I arrive so they can make their move. But Esteban also told me not to worry, since the adoption is final and we have all the final documents, there is nothing they can do. I still wonder what they are planning, and how they are planning to manipulate my son against me.
So it seems like I am going into battle. I have no idea what to expect when I get off the plane tomorrow at 8:00pm. I don't know who will be waiting for me. Are the documents actually ready? Will I have them in my hands by the end of the day? What kind of attack is Will's aunt planning? Will I finally get the answers I have been searching for? Will the truth be finally revealed?
Please pray! I've had enough and I'm in a scrapping mood. I'm sick of the games. I'm tired of the lies. I'm done with that. Time to end this. Time to claim victory. Walk with me into this battle please. Pray that I will feel all of God's power and strength rise up as I fight for my son.
Are you with me? Let's do this!
2 Timothy 1:7
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline"
Monday, May 4, 2009
An opportunity to help...
Hi everyone, this is Kristin here. I asked Corwin if I could post an important announcement about an opportunity for us to help bring Will home. Some friends of Corwin's are hosting a Steak Night Fundraiser to help cover some of the ongoing adoption costs, and if you're from Saskatoon or area we'd love to see you there!
Here's all the info:
Bring Him Home Steak Night
Wednesday, May 20th
at the Odeon Events Center in Saskatoon
6:00pm - 9:00pm
Tickets are $20 each (special kids meals available for $5)
The event will include some great food, a 50/50 draw, a silent auction, and some great live music. It'll be an awesome night, and a great time to get updated on the adoption and support Corwin and Will.
For tickets or information please contact Kimberly at kim.jesse@gmail.com or at 651-0807.
We hope to see you there!!
Here's all the info:
Bring Him Home Steak Night
Wednesday, May 20th
at the Odeon Events Center in Saskatoon
6:00pm - 9:00pm
Tickets are $20 each (special kids meals available for $5)
The event will include some great food, a 50/50 draw, a silent auction, and some great live music. It'll be an awesome night, and a great time to get updated on the adoption and support Corwin and Will.
For tickets or information please contact Kimberly at kim.jesse@gmail.com or at 651-0807.
We hope to see you there!!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
How Long Lord?
Ok, go ahead…say it…I’m horrible at updates. This I know to be true. It has been so difficult knowing what to say and how to say it. But you are my family, you are my lifeline, so I will try and bring you up to speed on all that has happened over the last month.
UPS lost the documents. I waited and waited, made phone call after phone call to no avail. UPS in Nicaragua claims the docs were delivered 3 weeks ago, but to where and to whom remains the big mystery. I really think the UPS in Managua is lying about the whole thing, and they are taking no responsibility for any of this. This has been a nightmare for me, an unimaginable turn of events. I’ve asked a lot of questions and cried a lot of tears…answers are not coming. But the fight must continue, and so I press on…knowing in the depths of my soul that God has this whole thing in his hands…I must cling to this hope, for when my faith is shattered and showing no signs of life, it is all I have left. It’s been a difficult few weeks.
I was in California the past 2 weeks. I was honored to be the speaker for YFC’s annual California Breakaway…160 high school kids from Saskatchewan in Cali for 10 days. It was bittersweet, as the plan was for Will to be with us this year. I couldn’t help but think of all that he would be experiencing and processing. I guess we’ll plan for next year. While in LA, I authorized Esteban to begin the process of getting new documents to replace the ones that UPS lost. He assured me that this process would not take long. But as it seems to be with this story, we hit a speed bump immediately; we needed to get Will’s birth mom to resign the custody documents. Unbelievable! The thought of this made me incredibly nervous, as most of January was spent dealing with this woman, trying to find her, getting her to sign, etc. It had been a lot of intense drama, and I honestly did not want to go through all of that again. Thankfully, we didn’t have to. Esteban found her in one day, and got to her to sign the docs immediately. What a relief…a little less drama than last time!
Esteban told me that everything would be ready by the Friday after Calbreak, so after the group of students returned to Saskatchewan, I stuck around in Cali for a few days. My plan was to buy a ticket to fly from LA to Managua…it would be less expensive than flying form home. My plan was to get the docs and personally bring them home. I don’t trust any courier service from Nicaragua at this point. My son’s future with his dad and his new family is my priority and passion, and I will continue to sacrifice everything to bring Will home. So, I booked a flight for last Monday, thinking that everything would be ready by the end of the week. 5 hours before my flight, Esteban e-mailed me to tell me that replacing Will’s birth certificate might take up to 3 weeks. This was so discouraging. I couldn’t afford to spend 3 weeks in Managua waiting for this document. So I had to cancel my flight and prepare to fly home to wait it out in Saskatoon. I could still use my travel credit with Continental when the docs are finally ready, so that soften the blow a little bit. But this was still very disheartening. Will was incredibly disappointed as well. This has been really hard on him as well.
Then another hit…the following evening I received an email from my lawyer. She told me that Will’s birth certificate was ready! Wow, it took only one day and not three weeks as was predicted. But there was a big problem…they were not going to release it. In getting the replacement docs together, the government had discovered a discrepancy. Last year, I spent $1000 to fix the birth certificate of Will’s birth father so it would match his death certificate. Everything was finally fixed and done. However, the government, for some reason, kept the incorrect birth certificate of Will’s birth dad on file. Now there were two different certificates…one that would indicate that this man is dead, the other would mean this man is still alive. Now the government was going to investigate my lawyer, to ensure that she hadn’t fabricated the new certificate…she could face jail time…the process could come to a screeching halt.
As I read my lawyer’s words my heart sank, and I just broke down emotionally and spiritually. I was still in California, and even though I was among friends, I felt so utterly alone in that moment. I felt like everything was unraveling…everything we fought so hard to accomplish was being undone. It felt like a dark cloud had covered me. Hope was fading. In my moment of desperation, I didn’t know what to do. I stumbled outside and found a quiet and secluded area, and under the dark Los Angeles night sky, I fell with my face to the ground. I wept bitterly and beat my fists into the grass. The burden was too heavy. I screamed at God, asking why He chose me to walk through this, why the roadblocks kept coming…we were so close…it had all been finished, and now it was all seeming to come apart. I was so broken, so frustrated, so done. But still, the flame of hope could not be extinguished, and even though it was barely bright enough to cast a shadow, it was still alive. In the midst of such heartache, God refused to let go. He’s still not providing many answers, but he is not letting go.
The next day Esteban explained more of the situation, and informed me that Will’s birth certificate wouldn’t be released until the investigation of my lawyer was complete. Everything had been done the proper legal way, so he told me not to worry. However, I was told that the investigation could take up to a month. This was so hard to hear. But in Nicaragua, there is always an expedited rate…you know how it works: For $400 US, I was told that the government official doing the investigation was willing to move our case to the top of the pile and have everything done in a week. What could I do? I had no choice really…I desperately want my son home, and if it meant another financial hit, then so be it. So I sent the money, and returned home to Saskatoon the following day. I got home last Friday night.
I received another e-mail from Esteban last night. He said that there was good news: today he was going to take Will’s aunt and grandma to court (again), and have them sign another document that would officially render the incorrect birth certificate null and void. This would allow Will’s birth certificate to finally be released, which in turn would allow us to get a new passport for him. Esteban assured me that everything would be ready by the end of the week, but that in order for this to happen, everyone needed their cut…my lawyer wanted another $150, each of Will’s relatives wanted money for missing work, money was needed for a car rental…it never ends. So I sent another $500 US down this morning, and I have waited all day to hear how everything went. I have not received any news, but I am hopeful that everything that needed to happen, happened, and that the docs will be ready by the end of the week. If they are, my plan is use my Continental credit to help get me down there to pick up the docs myself. I know it doesn’t seem rational, but I just don’t trust anyone down there right now. If there was to be another problem with sending the docs to Canada, if there was another delay or if the docs were lost again, I would complete lose it! It would create another unimaginable scenario…and I am so done with that. I need to take hold of this and fight for my son in any way I can. So it may seem irrational, but flying down will allow me to personally take these docs home, and give me a few days with my son as well. I have not seen him since Feb 24, and I miss him desperately.
So that’s the update, that’s the ongoing drama of this story. Thanks for sticking with me. Thanks for your ongoing prayers and support. I desperately need them now to help Will and I reach the finish line!
God bless,
Corwin
UPS lost the documents. I waited and waited, made phone call after phone call to no avail. UPS in Nicaragua claims the docs were delivered 3 weeks ago, but to where and to whom remains the big mystery. I really think the UPS in Managua is lying about the whole thing, and they are taking no responsibility for any of this. This has been a nightmare for me, an unimaginable turn of events. I’ve asked a lot of questions and cried a lot of tears…answers are not coming. But the fight must continue, and so I press on…knowing in the depths of my soul that God has this whole thing in his hands…I must cling to this hope, for when my faith is shattered and showing no signs of life, it is all I have left. It’s been a difficult few weeks.
I was in California the past 2 weeks. I was honored to be the speaker for YFC’s annual California Breakaway…160 high school kids from Saskatchewan in Cali for 10 days. It was bittersweet, as the plan was for Will to be with us this year. I couldn’t help but think of all that he would be experiencing and processing. I guess we’ll plan for next year. While in LA, I authorized Esteban to begin the process of getting new documents to replace the ones that UPS lost. He assured me that this process would not take long. But as it seems to be with this story, we hit a speed bump immediately; we needed to get Will’s birth mom to resign the custody documents. Unbelievable! The thought of this made me incredibly nervous, as most of January was spent dealing with this woman, trying to find her, getting her to sign, etc. It had been a lot of intense drama, and I honestly did not want to go through all of that again. Thankfully, we didn’t have to. Esteban found her in one day, and got to her to sign the docs immediately. What a relief…a little less drama than last time!
Esteban told me that everything would be ready by the Friday after Calbreak, so after the group of students returned to Saskatchewan, I stuck around in Cali for a few days. My plan was to buy a ticket to fly from LA to Managua…it would be less expensive than flying form home. My plan was to get the docs and personally bring them home. I don’t trust any courier service from Nicaragua at this point. My son’s future with his dad and his new family is my priority and passion, and I will continue to sacrifice everything to bring Will home. So, I booked a flight for last Monday, thinking that everything would be ready by the end of the week. 5 hours before my flight, Esteban e-mailed me to tell me that replacing Will’s birth certificate might take up to 3 weeks. This was so discouraging. I couldn’t afford to spend 3 weeks in Managua waiting for this document. So I had to cancel my flight and prepare to fly home to wait it out in Saskatoon. I could still use my travel credit with Continental when the docs are finally ready, so that soften the blow a little bit. But this was still very disheartening. Will was incredibly disappointed as well. This has been really hard on him as well.
Then another hit…the following evening I received an email from my lawyer. She told me that Will’s birth certificate was ready! Wow, it took only one day and not three weeks as was predicted. But there was a big problem…they were not going to release it. In getting the replacement docs together, the government had discovered a discrepancy. Last year, I spent $1000 to fix the birth certificate of Will’s birth father so it would match his death certificate. Everything was finally fixed and done. However, the government, for some reason, kept the incorrect birth certificate of Will’s birth dad on file. Now there were two different certificates…one that would indicate that this man is dead, the other would mean this man is still alive. Now the government was going to investigate my lawyer, to ensure that she hadn’t fabricated the new certificate…she could face jail time…the process could come to a screeching halt.
As I read my lawyer’s words my heart sank, and I just broke down emotionally and spiritually. I was still in California, and even though I was among friends, I felt so utterly alone in that moment. I felt like everything was unraveling…everything we fought so hard to accomplish was being undone. It felt like a dark cloud had covered me. Hope was fading. In my moment of desperation, I didn’t know what to do. I stumbled outside and found a quiet and secluded area, and under the dark Los Angeles night sky, I fell with my face to the ground. I wept bitterly and beat my fists into the grass. The burden was too heavy. I screamed at God, asking why He chose me to walk through this, why the roadblocks kept coming…we were so close…it had all been finished, and now it was all seeming to come apart. I was so broken, so frustrated, so done. But still, the flame of hope could not be extinguished, and even though it was barely bright enough to cast a shadow, it was still alive. In the midst of such heartache, God refused to let go. He’s still not providing many answers, but he is not letting go.
The next day Esteban explained more of the situation, and informed me that Will’s birth certificate wouldn’t be released until the investigation of my lawyer was complete. Everything had been done the proper legal way, so he told me not to worry. However, I was told that the investigation could take up to a month. This was so hard to hear. But in Nicaragua, there is always an expedited rate…you know how it works: For $400 US, I was told that the government official doing the investigation was willing to move our case to the top of the pile and have everything done in a week. What could I do? I had no choice really…I desperately want my son home, and if it meant another financial hit, then so be it. So I sent the money, and returned home to Saskatoon the following day. I got home last Friday night.
I received another e-mail from Esteban last night. He said that there was good news: today he was going to take Will’s aunt and grandma to court (again), and have them sign another document that would officially render the incorrect birth certificate null and void. This would allow Will’s birth certificate to finally be released, which in turn would allow us to get a new passport for him. Esteban assured me that everything would be ready by the end of the week, but that in order for this to happen, everyone needed their cut…my lawyer wanted another $150, each of Will’s relatives wanted money for missing work, money was needed for a car rental…it never ends. So I sent another $500 US down this morning, and I have waited all day to hear how everything went. I have not received any news, but I am hopeful that everything that needed to happen, happened, and that the docs will be ready by the end of the week. If they are, my plan is use my Continental credit to help get me down there to pick up the docs myself. I know it doesn’t seem rational, but I just don’t trust anyone down there right now. If there was to be another problem with sending the docs to Canada, if there was another delay or if the docs were lost again, I would complete lose it! It would create another unimaginable scenario…and I am so done with that. I need to take hold of this and fight for my son in any way I can. So it may seem irrational, but flying down will allow me to personally take these docs home, and give me a few days with my son as well. I have not seen him since Feb 24, and I miss him desperately.
So that’s the update, that’s the ongoing drama of this story. Thanks for sticking with me. Thanks for your ongoing prayers and support. I desperately need them now to help Will and I reach the finish line!
God bless,
Corwin
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